Guide
How to meet trans women, and make a good impression when you do
By My Transgender Secret, October 2026
The simplest way to meet trans women is a trans dating site such as My Transgender Secret, made for trans women and the people who are attracted to them. In person, LGBTQ+ venues, Pride events and community nights are good places to be, as a respectful guest. Wherever you meet, lead with interest in her as a person.
How to find a trans woman online
If you have tried a mainstream app, you may have found it awkward. On Tinder, for example, each person chooses whether their gender identity shows on their profile at all, so you can end up guessing, which is not a good start for either of you.
On a trans dating site, nobody has to guess. On My Transgender Secret more than 1,800 members joined as trans or crossdressing, and profiles carry interests such as transwoman, full time, en femme and stealth, so you have a good idea who you are writing to. Your daily matches take distance into account, VIP members can filter by city and distance, and you can see who is near you.
Broader LGBTQ+ apps have trans members too; see our comparisons with Taimi and Grindr. And yes, you can meet trans women on Tinder; our Tinder comparison sets the two side by side.
Where to meet trans women in person
The honest answer is: in the same places you would meet anyone, and in the places where trans people feel safest. Most big cities have an LGBTQ+ area with bars and clubs that welcome everyone, such as Soho in London, the Castro in San Francisco, the Church-Wellesley Village in Toronto or Oxford Street in Sydney. Most hold a Pride every year, and plenty, from London to Dublin, have a Trans Pride as well.
Go as a guest, not a hunter: these spaces exist so trans people can relax. Be friendly, buy your own drinks, enjoy the night and let conversations happen. In the UK, our city pages, starting with London and Manchester, name the areas and events near you.
What to say in your first message
Read her profile. Then write something that shows you did: a question about a place in her photos, a film she mentions, the kind of evening she says she enjoys. Say a little about yourself, and what you are looking for.
What not to do is just as important. Do not open with a comment on her body. Do not ask about surgery, hormones, or the name she had before. Do not tell her she is "passable" or that you have "always wanted to try" a trans woman. She has heard all of it, and it tells her you see a category rather than her.
Be honest about who you are
Not ready to tell anyone yet? That is fine, and nothing to be ashamed of: discretion is what this site is built on. But be honest with her about it. If you want more than one date, say so. If you want to keep things discreet for now, say that too, and let her decide whether it suits her. Telling her the truth at the start is a kindness, and it saves you both time.
If you are wrestling with what your attraction means, read Is it OK to be attracted to a trans woman? The short answer is yes.
Turning a chat into a date
Suggest a video call before you meet; it builds trust on both sides. For the first date, pick somewhere public where she will feel comfortable, ideally a place she chooses. A café, a gallery or a bar in the LGBTQ+ area all work. Treat her exactly as you would any woman you were keen on, in front of other people too. Our first date ideas have more suggestions.
Quick answers before you say hello
Where can I find trans women near me?
On My Transgender Secret your daily matches take distance into account, and VIP members can filter by city and distance. In person, your nearest city's LGBTQ+ area and local Pride events are good places to start.
What is the best way to find trans women online?
Join a site built for trans dating, such as My Transgender Secret, where being attracted to trans women is the whole point rather than a surprise.
Can you find trans women on Tinder?
Yes, but each person on Tinder chooses whether their gender identity shows on their profile, so it can be hard to tell. On a trans dating site you do not have to guess.
How do I talk to a trans woman without offending her?
Talk to her as you would any woman: about her interests, her day, what she is looking for. Leave her body and transition alone unless she brings them up, and use the name and pronouns she uses.
Is it OK if I am not out about being attracted to trans women?
Yes. Just be honest with the women you talk to about where you are, so they can decide whether it suits them. Your profile shows a username and your nearest town, never your real name.